Tears (2021) stoneware, glaze.
I haven’t cried in almost three years. I didn’t notice it at first. As time continued to pass, I became more aware of it. At first, I thought I must just finally be less sad, and that was definitely part of it, but there were times when I felt like crying, I wanted to cry, I needed to cry, I just couldn’t get any tears to come out.
I knew it was a possibility that this would happen, it’s one of the potential effects of taking testosterone. I just didn’t know what that would mean for my life, and I’m still not sure I know, I just know it happened. I lost something. The testosterone I take comes as a liquid in a vial. I inject it into my thigh once a week and will have to continue this ritual practice for the rest of my life.
It has taken my tears. But it has given me so much more by allowing me to maintain a certain level of physical masculinization. It gives me self-confidence, allowing me to enjoy the body I live inside of. It allows others to read me as male.
I knew it was a possibility that this would happen, it’s one of the potential effects of taking testosterone. I just didn’t know what that would mean for my life, and I’m still not sure I know, I just know it happened. I lost something. The testosterone I take comes as a liquid in a vial. I inject it into my thigh once a week and will have to continue this ritual practice for the rest of my life.
It has taken my tears. But it has given me so much more by allowing me to maintain a certain level of physical masculinization. It gives me self-confidence, allowing me to enjoy the body I live inside of. It allows others to read me as male.